Every day, each us has experiences of frustration, worry, irritation, annoyance, impatience, disappointment, or hurt. Most of us have some awareness or recognition of these feelings. Sometimes, we acknowledge these feelings to others. Anger is involved in each of these feelings, and yet most of us do not acknowledge that anger or admit it to others. We can talk about being frustrated or annoyed or disgusted or fed-up or sick and tired, but it is so hard to admit that we are ANGRY!

Our families, our schools, our workplaces, our streets, our world is filled with anger and rage, and yet it is so difficult to actually admit to angry feelings. There are understandable reasons for this taboo of entering into the world of anger. People often feel that they have lost their “edge,” or given ground, or admitted to insecurity if they openly state that they are angry.

On a deeper level, most of us have had difficult, painful, abusive or traumatic experiences with this powerful emotion. Perhaps, we had a father that we could never please, a mother that was constantly critical, a parent that threatened to run away or divorce, or actually did leave the family after an argument. Perhaps we witnessed our parents yelling, cursing, calling names, or physically fighting with each other. Maybe, we had a brother or sister that frightened us with their anger, a younger sibling that could not control their tantrums, or a schoolyard bully that we tried to avoid.

One clear lesson from painful childhood experiences is that anger often brings about pain, fear, or abandonment. As children, we may learned that parents cannot manage the feeling of anger. Mother or father, or both would lose control and cause fear and suffering to others in the family.

The clear path to managing anger is to be aware of angry feelings, admit them to yourself, and make two decisions: 1)Is it best to deal with this anger right now? and 2)What is the best way to express this anger?

Anger can actually be a positive emotion. We must control the anger before it controls us. First, we must accept that: “EVERYONE GETS ANGRY!”

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Michael Levittan, Psychotherapist specializes in treating Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Anger Management, Domestic Violence, Spousal Abuse, Child Abuse in the greater Los Angeles area. He also works as an Expert Witness, Media Psychologist, and is currently in development to do his own Anger Management Reality TV Show.